Until recently, I've really been ok... The DP really REALLY gets to me. So naturally, as someone like myself would do, I checked forums by people who also have DP. What freaked me out was the post by someone who wrote that they were actually diagnosed with schizophrenia... which in turn made me google that and check the symptoms... and now I worry that I'm schizophrenic! It's absolutely irrational, but my anxiety takes over and I worry about loosing control, being commited to a psych-ward, and going crazy. Another lovely effect of panic and anxiety, thank you brain. I just can't wait until I work through this all and one day I can wake up feeling like I did three - four years ago... I can't help but wonder sometimes - how the hell did I get to this point? How did I get so screwed up? I was doing so great... I was and still am a (near) 4.00 university student, I have a great little cat family with my fiance... What went wrong?
When I think about it... I guess it only makes sense that this happened. For you to understand I'll have to give you a bit of background. I grew up with divorced parents - I had no solid base. My parents always seemed distracted by other things, I had to fend for myself mostly. On December 3, 2005... I met Garrett, my now fiance. I was almost 16 and he is 9 years older than I am. So my parents flip out when they find out I'm interested in someone older than I. They say no, but we find ways to meet one another anyway... Eventually, long story short, we are caught meeting due my "friends" telling on me... My parents involved the police, FBI... It was horribly stressful... We were separated and I was bascially grounded for two years until I turned 18. I spent alot of time alone, not trusting anyone and being mad at my situation. When I turned 18, I moved in with Garrett. I finally have a solid base. And now it seems like all that stress from over the years is catching up with me. Years of bottled up anger and sadness are leaking out...
After suffering a year through minor (what I consider minor compared to now) anxiety, I'm ready to move on... I really don't want to live like this, in fear all the time. I'm really hoping after awhile of taking vitamins and supplements, exercising and such that I'll start to feel better... I'm really trying to catch myself when I have negative thoughts and calm down, not let the anxiety and panic take over. I will beat this. Watch me.
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