I had one class to go to today. Lately, I hate driving. Let me re-phrase that - I hate driving when I experience DP. I worry about losing control while I drive. So... I asked my fiance to drive me instead, he whined about it - "Do you really need me to drive you?". I don't understand that, because usually he bends over backwards to help me out, especially now with what I'm going through. I explained to him that I'm scared to drive lately - that didn't seem to affect him. So I got a bit upset, hurt more than anything that he'd whine about having to drive me 20 -25 minutes to class. I needed the help a few hours ago, I really would have appreciated it. But it doesn't matter, I got my keys and bag and drove myself.
I had a few near panic attacks, but I rationalized everything as I drove. I tried to figure my condition out on a more basic level. I decided that I was giving in to my fears too easily. I need to tell myself "DON'T FEED THE FEAR!!!". That's when I came across this little story while waiting for class -
An old Cherokee Indian was telling his grandson about a fight that was really going on inside himself.
He said it was between two dogs.
One is a black evil dog full of anger, envy, sorrow, regret, self pity, greed, arrogance, fear, superiority, and ego.
The other is a white dog full of good, joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness , benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, "Which dog wins?"
The old cherokee simply replied,
"THE ONE I FEED".
I'm going to make an effort to not feed the fears that race into my mind. I will get past this.
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