Well I suppose my good streak lasted long enough. I'm having moderate DP right now, and I almost let it get to me - I started thinking crazy thoughts because I was scared - but I came in here to write about it before I let it get out of hand. I started wondering if I was really real and if I wasn't what would the purpose be of me doing all this work? I know I'm just scaring myself, but I just want so badly to feel normal again. I really need to get out more. I want to get a job, I feel like that will help. I've been so isolated lately - I know this is a factor of my condition. I just need to keep my head up like I have been, that helps too... Maybe I'll go to the mall today. ...Man I really need some friends.
When I first met my fiance, I was in highschool. My friends really disapproved of my relationship with him. They told my parents when I was meeting him and where. They just ratted me out. Back then, he (my fiance) was the only person who really "got" me, and everyone in my life was doing everything they could to take him away from me. My friends grew distant from me and I started keeping them even further away. By the time I graduated highschool, I had no close friends. I had also moved into Garrett's (my fiance) house by then as well. I was in a new town with no one to turn to. My parents shunned me; they were angry with me for the longest time. So it's easy to see why I haven't started making a billion friends - I'm hesitant to trust people again. But that situation is long gone and there's no way to betray me. This whole ordeal really took a toll on me. I'm suffering now for it. I can blame whoever I want for getting me to where I am - BUT! it will be my fault if I stay this way. I will have to just keep plugging along. Soon enough I will come back as strong as ever! Stay tuned! :D
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